Holiday Satire: Commission on Judicial Performance and California Judges Have Hot, Sweaty Make-Up Sex

Commission on Judicial Performance Director Victoria B. Henley reportedly has patched up a domestic dispute with the judges of California. 

Special Holiday Edition Satire

The Recorder, an online and print news organization serving judges, lawyers and other Judicial Branch hangers-on has published a story reporting that tensions have subsided between judges in California and the Commission on Judicial Performance, the state agency responsible for oversight and accountability of those same judges.

The satire division here at the Commission on Judicial Performance Report is certainly relieved to hear this news. Having an adversarial relationship between judges and the CJP would be like gangbangers and cops not getting along. But, according to the inside account, the reconciliation didn't come easy.

It seems that the friends with benefits relationship between the CJP and judges hit a rough patch sometime around 2012, according to The Recorder. 

Apparently words were exchanged, inflammations occurred, and the judges understandably had their feelings hurt by the "harsh tone" used by the CJP.

The first night, the CJP complied with an order issued by judges to sleep on the couch. But it turned out the judges had yet to air all their gripes and the next morning complained about being [VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED] "overdisciplined." 

In response, the CJP mumbled something about "somebody" forgetting the safeword, but otherwise appeared disinterested in working things out, causing the judges to storm off to vent on the Legislature. 

The whole sordid batch of dirty laundry was finally aired this week.

"In 2012, California's judges were poised to wage political war on the agency responsible for disciplining them, the Commission on Judicial Performance," The Recorder reported.

 "Inflamed by what they saw as instances of overdiscipline and the harsh tone of some private advisory letters, judges were talking to legislators about measures to curb the commissions power. One justice called his colleagues' anger 'palpable.'"

Unfortunately, legislators were reluctant to get in the line of fire of flying dishes. 

"The legislation never materialized. Lawmakers, it seems, were wary of doing anything that might be portrayed as easing up on bad judges. Some judges, too, feared that initiating a review of disciplinary statutes might open the process to those seeking even more rules and sanctions," The Recorder explained.

Luckily, Erica Yew, the chairwoman of the Commission on Judicial Performance, a judge on the Santa Clara County Superior Court, and an armchair relationship counselor stepped in to mediate the discord. Yew let the parties vent and patiently listened to "many conversations." 

Yew helped massage the raw emotions and butthurt to a happy ending, and then, to the relief of all, announced that "tensions between the CJP and judges have eased," according to The Recorder account. 

Of course, every group of friends has a naysayer. One long-time acquaintance of the couple said he had seen this all before, and predicted the make-up would never last. Fourth District Court of Appeal Associate Justice Thomas Hollenhorst opined that a relationship based on dominant and submissive roles would always be rocky. 

"The grumbling continues," Hollenhorst scoffed. "The next time you see some really, truly outlandish discipline handed down, it will all come back."